An open letter to Berlin

Dear Berlin, 

Thank you for an unforgettable year, the best of many great ones now. You taught me to quaff life and imbibe drink, and to dance with awkward abandon. From your dapprest professor to your nightly chorus of harlequin punks, you have taught me through such diversity to appreciate the beauty of God’s ultimate creation. You have blessed me with friendship, love, perspective, prosperity and more. I leave none of them behind me, only 20lbs, a bit of hair, and the barriers you gave me to overcome. I hope in some way, among the cacophony of others pasted and painted upon you, that I’ve left a small mark as well, if only as a token of thanks for how the Almighty has doted upon me through you, O arm aber sexy Berlin. Bis zum nächsten mal.

Your biggest fan,

Justin

Birthday Post!

Though things have returned to their usual glum, I felt the need to “write out loud” that I had a pretty darn good birthday week (already two weeks ago!). My actual birthday was pretty relaxed, so I didn’t feel the pressure I often do to have a party or do anything crazy. Instead, I just got a couple one-on-one meals with people and went to a weekly social event for German learners I’ve been attending called a Stammtisch, which wasn’t centered around me. Basically, just what I wanted. Then, on Friday, since the pressure was off after my birthday, I hosted a potluck in my apartment for other Fulbright students. Originally, I planned on six people plus, perhaps, a couple others. To my surprise, a total of fifteen people showed up. It was a wonderful surprise. Since no one had actually attempted such a Fulbright meet-up so far this year, I was able to meet a number of new people and they one another. At both the Stammtisch and my potluck there were impromptu Happy Birthday songs, probably the largest group to sing my happy birthday since my Little Mermaid Themed fifth birthday party.

See, I can "cook'!

To think that all the friends I have here now I’ve made in just a few months is really encouraging, and I’m rather proud of myself for not entering the library in September and shutting the door behind me until June. At least socially, living in Berlin has really come into its own now.

Most of the potluck group, so many people that they gave up on the table and just sat on the floor!

A yearly habit I’ve developed, since reaching an age when I’m not longer excited to get older, has been to reflect on how far I’ve come since my last birthday. So far, it hasn’t let me down as a source of comfort that my time is spent well. So, since my birthday last year, I’ve prepared and taught four undergraduate classes as an adjunct professor, have substantially improved my German, and received a prestigious Fulbright grant to come here to one of the top universities in Germany on an all-expenses-paid research trip to study just what I want. I can live with that. :) 

A Month in Berlin

A path approaching St. Mary's Church

I’ve been in Berlin for a month now, I still haven’t really begun my research. This is partly because I’ve had so many other obligations, and other work to steal my attention, but also because I’ve been spending a large amount of time in the…for lack of a better term, “socializing” part of the Fulbright. Fulbright was founded for the purpose of academic as well as inter-cultural exchange, after all, so I suppose even when I feel as though I’m slacking I’m fulfilling the goals of the program. Despite spending hours almost every day doing a variety of social activities, I still find this city somewhat lonely and it’s rather easy just to retreat to my computer (where everything is in English!). My roommate Michael, has been a huge help to me in all things Germany, though lately he has been coming home from work exhausted every day and thus one less outlet to assuage the loneliness. Overall I’d say my impression of the city is improving, and I’ve been having a lot of fun, though it seems my proclivity is to write reflectively while in a degree of melancholy.

The Berliner Dom (Church) and Fernsehturm (TV tower) during
 the Light Festival

The semester began this week, and I’ve already begun attending lectures at the theology faculty. Thanks to the slow and deliberate delivery of the lectures by the professors, aided by the context, I’m able to follow practically everything in German. My German language course is set to begin this week as well, though I’m a bit anxious about starting because there remains a bit of bureaucracy to navigate.
In my subconscious’ endeavor to easy my transition into German life by giving me the feelings of contexts past, the academic setting of Humboldt has channeled the aura of Harvard combined with my time teaching at Azusa Pacific. We’ve had formal teas and student parties like at Harvard, and I’ve been dressing my best so that I at least give the impression that I know what I’m doing here (ala Azusa Pacific).

The Brandenburg Gate during the Light Festival

With my time here I’m still experiencing a general sense of a lack of direction and an ever-present anxiety about the future. I know that reading the last several years of my CV, I hardly seem to be directionless, but things never fall into place as simply as the appear presented on a CV; and I suppose my lack of satisfaction with the present is one reason I’m always motivated to accomplish something greater still. I’m going to have to make a greater effort to live more in the present, or at least in this year and stop viewing this Fulbright, which is a prestigious opportunity and a great privilege, merely as something to fill a gap-year!

I’m already back in Berlin.

It’s a funny thing about blogs, they remind you where you’ve been and where you come from, at the same time reminding you of pace at which time passes, never slowing no matter how much you really intend to write as soon as you’ve a moment, or how many meaningful events have occurred since the last entry was written.

The conclusion of my Marburg experience left me with decidedly mixed feelings. Both the Marburg language program, and already the city of Berlin, now that I’m back, have occupied a lot of mental energy as my mind strains to make these experiences fit something in my past; the six week Marburg course – the six week language course I took last summer at Middlebury College in Vermont, and Berlin, so far – the few months I spent alone in Bethlehem. Comparing the Marburg language course to Middlebury’s, I certainly learned less German, simply because, unlike Middlebury, we were allowed to speak English. The relationships I made in Marburg in the end had exploded in a cacophony of friendships, resentments, and should-have-would-haves, an unwelcomed diversity when I compare it to last summer… perhaps, this too can be attributed to speaking English rather than only German. Overall, the Marburg experience was positive. Certainly better than the alternative of idling in Glendora for the remainder of the summer and arriving in Berlin now attempting to hit the ground running. Easing that transition made it worthwhile in and of itself. Berlin, in my mind’s eye, is still Bethlehem. The sense of solitude in this very tidy and handsome apartment, which I have to myself until my roommate returns from Spain, and its place in a great city whose language is foreign, buildings derelict, and walls covered in art/vandalism has been an iterative reminder of that same dichotomy of comfort and discomfort I knew then. Berlin itself, what a surprise. Hardly a surface is without a dozen autographs scrawled upon it, most every sidewalk and storefront feels out of order, and the sense of griminess about most of the city (and many its inhabitants) was, upon a moments reflection, the most surprising thing about it. It also seems that everyone here is used to it, if not embraces it completely. From experience alone, I tend to consider myself adept at navigating disorientating situations and places such as this, but the visual noise here is deafening. I hope I can soon find a way to live in this city rather than merely survive, as I feel I’m doing now. Winter is fast approaching and will bring further difficulties with it; the sky disappeared a week ago into a grey miasma and, I'm told, so it will remain for months.

Starting the blog again?

I’ve given some thought to writing here again, if only to keep a catalog of my ongoing adventures; of course, others are welcome to read along. I’d actually completely forgotten about the entries I wrote from Harvard, so I suppose the break in entries isn’t too extreme.
So, to catch up: I spent the last year back in LA teaching Biblical Studies courses at Azusa Pacific University (my alma mater). Overall that was a fantastic experience and very rewarding, I’ll write something more on this later, perhaps.

Currently I’m in Berlin, having just arrive last night after a solid 24 hours of travel. I’m here because I was awarded a prestigious year-long Fulbright scholarship. This makes the third continent on which I’ve lived and studied. I still don’t really think of myself as someone especially interested in travel, I just want to do the best things at the best places and it should be no surprise they aren’t all located near one another. I’ll be affiliated with Humboldt University here in Berlin where I’ll be researching “German Specters in North American research on early Christianity and Judaism.” Perhaps I’ll elaborate later on exactly what this topic means (or just post my application essay). I have a few more days here in Berlin before I travel to the south to spend six weeks in Marburg doing intensive German language study with a number of other Fulbrighters. In the meantime I’m staying with my future housemates in Berlin, who are incredibly friendly (!) and are helping me get oriented. My body is very tired but I’m too excited to let that slow me down now.